Successes and struggles...

So I've been struggling a lot in the last week with the diet. Last saturday when I went to the zoo with my sister in law and families my daughter decided to eat my kale chips I had packed as my snack. I had left my lunchin the cooler bag as we were supposed to be out of there by 11:30 and with my snack I figured I'd have no issues waiting. Well, without my snack and the heat of the AM, I was dizzy and starving. So I had a couple of bites of Quinn's egg wrap. Which turned into a muffin while on the way home, even though I had eaten my lunch.

Then later in the week it was a fry. Then a bite of Quinn's rice crispy square. This weekend we were at a wedding. I thought there was tossed salad and roast beef. Turns out, nope. The closest I was able to come to not cheating was the cabbage from around a cabbage roll, a bunch of dill pickles- YUCK- and some roast beef. So I had some bites of the cabbage roll filling as well. And then I figured, meh I've already cheated so I had a piece of wedding cake.

So now, here I am 2 weeks into the diet and on week two I had some kind of cheat every other day. And particularly today, after the wedding, I feel bloated and terrible.

The worst part is, I weighed in on WEdnesday. 10 days into the diet I was 5.5 lbs down and 6.5 inches lost, including 2 on my waist. I felt incredible on Wednesday. People at work were already telling me they can see it. I don't want to cheat. I want to lose this weight. But I look towards the week ahead and Thursday we leave for consort. Thursday night I have no control over the menu for supper. Its at my best friend's mother's house- people I haven't seen in close to 5 years. And its a birthday party for her 4 year old.

Then Friday is my 30th birthday. I have said from the beginning I knew I would cheat with birthday cake that day. but that was the only day I was going to cheat. I don't think it'll be too hard. My family are meat eaters. If I pack the veggies I should be able to eat well this weekend. But its the road. ugh, traveling makes me munch!

So I'm thrilled with the success I have had but I know the science of the diet is that its 3 days before the pancreas relaxes. So last night I would have "woken up" my pancreas. I have 3 days today (taking me to wednesday) before it sleeps and I can start losing weight again. I weigh in on wednesday. The scale was up 2 lbs this AM. Friday I cheat again, Tuesday I'm losing weight again. Wednesday I weigh in. So my goal for the next two weeks is to cheat once. On friday. If I have to. Maybe my family won't bake me a cake! :)

Lessons learned already

1. without meal planning this diet can get boring quick.
2. eating out is actually pretty easy. TOssed salad tastes amazing with 2 skewers of shrimp!
3. I SERIOUSLY CANNOT EAT THIS MUCH FOOD. I have zero idea how this diet is supposed to work when I have to eat constantly in order to eat it all. Have you ever measured 4 cups of vegtables and 8 oz of meat.  People this is 2+ cans of tuna and a salad for 3. this is in addition to 3 of their protein packs. Which can be meals unto  themselves.

On Ideal Protein you will not go hungry.

4. WIthout the oil you will crave savory. There has been a couple of days where I missed cooking with oil or not getting the 1 tsp a day of oil. The days I have it. zero cravings. Days without it I miss Cheese and dairy more than I can express.

First weigh in went well. 2.5 lbs down in 4 days on wednesday. But I can fluctuate 5 lbs in a day. Until I've hit 15 I won't be impressed.

Feel great during the day though. Not that tired. Some headaches. Must remember water bottle. feel worse without the water.

BUt the minute I walk out of work, and sit down yah- I'm beat.

Also to watch- my breathing has been heavy and short. Not quite sure how its diet effected but its only been the last 2-3 days. Reminds me of when my asthma would bug me. its not humid outside. Will watch.

Tonight is the first real test- going to book club. THis is the book club where 4 bottles of wine and 2 hours is a bad night! I'm gonna miss the wine!

And this weekend I'm headed to my sister in laws so that too will be interesting to see how I do.

Already planning a cheat on my birthday at the family reunion though... thats not a good sign.

Day 3: why does this feel easy?

OK, i'm scared. They said I should be tired, nauseous, etc.  I am a little tired by the end of the day but otherwise I'm feeling pretty good. Water bloated still, but I'm not hungry- in fact I'm finding it hard to eat everything they want me to eat. But I do find I need to move a lot of my food into the daytime. Daytime I am hungry!

Day 2: so far so good

Temptation sucks- I avoided the mall food court, going in the front entrance of my building and the offices at work that have junk. I am not sure I have the will power for Quinn's smarties- but I'm going to do it.

Brad is being awesome. He's eating whatever I make for supper- even zuchinni tonight. Supper was good.

The energy level is LOW though. very very low. Brain is a little dumb but i can focus. Water bloating feeling but not the I ate too much bloated feeling.

So far this feels "easy" so I'm scared of next week.

Day 1: eating with no meal plan.

It was suprisingly easy to get up this morning. I had expected to dread getting out of bed and start this thing. But I didn't. I got up, made a shake, took my pills and am surprised that I'm already through 1/3 of my water intake for the day (and I've been up an hour).

I can see where meal planning is essential though. The ideal protein foods are largely liquid- soups, drinks, puddings. I get one "restricted" ideal protein a day and those are snack bars. I also have a total of 8 oz of protein to eat in a day. Yesterday my habit was to eat in the AM before work, and then usually have a skim milk matcha latte and scone when I got to work from my fav coffee shop. So I need to figure out how to spread that 8 oz of protein and 4 cups of vegetables to be heavier in the am so that I can be less hungry in the am. Already, an hour in, I'm hungry!

I signed up on a weekend where my husband has my daughter out of town for the first time- EVER. This has meant a lot of work on my practicum, but also a lot of self indulgences- TV, dancing and singing loud to bad music where no one else is around, and general procrastination. Meal planning and shopping have not been on that agenda. So I will have to plan later today.

I even went so far as to build a House Routine chart. I want to pretty it up like the house rules one we have at the end of the hall. One that says we clean up and prep for the next day before the TV comes on. I am also hoping it will help us get Quinn into more of a routine- one that is accepting of cleaning up toys and brushing her teeth and hair before bed. It'll be interesting to see what Brad has to say about it. But if I plan for it maybe the increased activity from sitting on my but everynight will help us get crap around the house done. and improve the whole family, not just my diet!

Meal planning will be a challenge. I just bought fish sticks 2 weeks ago. We haven't eaten them yet. I love fish sticks. I know I am too cheap to throw out everything in the house I can't eat. But I do see me cooking them (and fries I'm sure) for Brad and Quinn while I have a mahi mahi salad or something. I guess this diet is also going to teach me to cook! See, I knew this was the diet that was going to change the way I eat in the future! PRocessed burgers- my hubby prefers them because they dont fall apart on the bbq and are easier to cook. I can't eat processed ones. I can eat homemade ones that don't ahve bread. Guess he's going to have to learn to eat unprocessed foods!

It was good to spread the protein out throughout the day but by 4:00 I was famished and had my protein that is supposed to be my snack. By supper at 5:30 I was famished again. and here we are 7:30 and I'm starving. I still have a half a cup of kale chips. and hopefully that will do me. and some more water.

Getting my water was easy, but I'm not hunched over my desk concentrating on work. Even walked Quinn to the park and back. Feeling a little tired. Bloated by all the water. Feeling exhausted but optimistic.

Now what am I going to do about tomorrow?!
Taren

The plan

So after consulting with my doctor we have come up with this plan:
Starting weight. 193lbs.
Chest- 41, waist 41, hips 47....Ideal protein measures neck, shoulders, thigh, calf and a few other places too. But since I used to be proud of my 34 27 36 shape at 135lbs, I wanna see how close I can get to getting it back!

Phase I: Ideal Protein Weightloss system.
This was my choice and my doctor approved it, reluctantly. He feels I won't see permanent results with this. But hence the phase II.
Phase I target- 160lbs. Target completion date of all 4 of Ideal Protein's phases: 6 months (February 2014)

Reward: Hot Holiday in Mexico with hubby & Quinn OR taking the money used for Ideal Protein foods and supplements and spending it on a house keeper!

Phase II: Dietician moving forward to take the knowledge I have of healthy eating form weight watchers and the knowledge I will gain about healthy eating from Ideal Protein (meal pairings, eat your big meal in the AM kinda stuff) and work with a dietician to come up with an exercise plan to get me back in shape and lose the remaining weight. Targets to be set later.

Why Ideal protein? Answers a lot of my requirements outlined in previous post. And one thing I did realize is that in order to get weight off quickly, and understanding I have a lot to learn about meal planning, etc. I wanted something structured to start out with. Something I don't have to think about. at first. But I don't want something I have to do for the rest of my life. I have the education, I just want the weight off so I can work on exercising and eating to sustain a decent weight.

Am I a bit of a hypocrite? Yup. in some ways for sure- there is nothing natural about a diet program that says no dairy, no carbs and no fruits for 4+ months. Particularly when you're eating their supplements and foods for a large part of that. But even in the beginning it is a LOT Of protein and veggies. 4 cups of veggies a day!!! 8oz of protein. All fresh foods. I don't eat 8oz of protein in a day now!! and even including food I maybe-MAYBE-eat 2 cups of veggies/fruit a day. THis is not going to be easy. and its a lot of food- and a lot of water! Can you say pee break? But again, its about easing me into better eating. So yes, in the beginning, I will be eating non food foods. But not forever!

Why?

So I've decided to lose weight. And not just, I should exercise more and eat less bread- I've been battling that battle since long before Quinn came along. No, this is, OMG, I am seriously fat- my knees hurt, my feelings hurt, my self confidence is hurting (finally), my sex life hurts, my clothes hurt, my health hurts- NOTHING ABOUT ME FEELS GOOD.

In addition to that I had another motivation. I know what I eat isn't good for me. I went through a phase where I was watching a lot of history shows- they kept saying things like, based on these food prep tools we know this culture ate grains, or based on this fossilized fecal matter we know they ate this. And the more I watched it the more I went- huh- I wonder what they're going to think about our eating habits- we really have hit the Jetson's mode where things are prepacked in boxes, bags and pills- and little else. What a bizarre thing for a world to do when the food grows outside of our door, and tastes better! So in an effort to feel better and eat better I wanted a diet.

But what I realized is that I needed a diet that was going to motivate me. I've done weight watchers before- I have always had a hectic schedule and one that couldn't commit to a regular meeting. But I also know I'm a cheater- whatever is convenient, so I need a diet with counselling and coaching. I needed a diet that would motivate me- a lbs a week, no matter how health that method is to lose weight, is not going to keep me motivated. Before I was pregnant I had lost 15 lbs between weight watchers and curves and it was too much effort- between the time at curves and the time at weight watchers it was like my whole life outside of work was concentrated on losing weight.

What I wanted was a diet that would help me lose the weight quickly, be short term in methodology, but would still give me the steps in the right direction to keep the weight off moving forward. For months I have been able to sustain the weight I am by eating healthier and some activities, but I can't lose it with the schedule of full time work, full time parenthood, and part time school- and hobbies like book club, volunteer activities, church, etc. I also needed a diet that wasn't going to allow me to cheat. I know I am addicted to sugar- baking, processed foods, grains, chocoalte, candy, etc. If its in the house or within eyesight IT IS MINE. I'm selfish. I love it. But its part of the reason I got here. I need a diet that isn't going to allow me that crap. zero. nadda. break the addiction. None of this "if you exercise more you can cheat". No I need to restart.

Lastly, I want to set a better example to my daughter. Poor Quinn doesn't stand much of a chance. My mother was 5'6", struggled with weight her whole life because she lacked will power and had similar sugar addiction type issues. And she loved food, much like me. My mother in law- 5'6" ish as well and the exact same battle for her. My sister in law- same thing. And both of those ladies have battled diets too. And the sustainability comes in eating better and getting at least some exercise. I know we hear that every day but until I find a way to get the weight off, I'm not motivated to start being more active!  If its true that her measurements at 18mnths-2years old dictate her future size, she is going to be exactly like the rest of us.So, in showing a better example to Quinn, my hope is that she won't face as tough a battle, if at all, when she's older.

Already her breakfast is cereal, bedtime snack oatmeal, she eats a lot of fresh veggies and fruits- but they're all the sugar ones- bell peppers, green beans, potatoes, carrots, apples, fruits, etc. While I will never ever ask Quinn to diet, if I lead by example and if we don't have it in the house, except on special treats, maybe we can avoid the extent of a weight battle that generations of her family have endured. It would be better for her health too if breakfast was protein and filling instead of sugar.

So I have started my diet and I start tomorrow... This journal is going to be one of the ways I hold myself accountable. My weekly meetings(flexible and include texting and email!), my family, and this will be ways to share my journey, encourage myself, and track progress. You're welcome to join along with me or never read another word. I'm OK either way- what I don't want is criticism. This is not an easy diet plan, let me get through it please. If you can't say something nice, please don't say anything at all.
Taren

This journal is just that, a journal. So it is a stream of consciousness. Not structured, edited, or anything that I would deem publishable- and yet I do.