Why?

So I've decided to lose weight. And not just, I should exercise more and eat less bread- I've been battling that battle since long before Quinn came along. No, this is, OMG, I am seriously fat- my knees hurt, my feelings hurt, my self confidence is hurting (finally), my sex life hurts, my clothes hurt, my health hurts- NOTHING ABOUT ME FEELS GOOD.

In addition to that I had another motivation. I know what I eat isn't good for me. I went through a phase where I was watching a lot of history shows- they kept saying things like, based on these food prep tools we know this culture ate grains, or based on this fossilized fecal matter we know they ate this. And the more I watched it the more I went- huh- I wonder what they're going to think about our eating habits- we really have hit the Jetson's mode where things are prepacked in boxes, bags and pills- and little else. What a bizarre thing for a world to do when the food grows outside of our door, and tastes better! So in an effort to feel better and eat better I wanted a diet.

But what I realized is that I needed a diet that was going to motivate me. I've done weight watchers before- I have always had a hectic schedule and one that couldn't commit to a regular meeting. But I also know I'm a cheater- whatever is convenient, so I need a diet with counselling and coaching. I needed a diet that would motivate me- a lbs a week, no matter how health that method is to lose weight, is not going to keep me motivated. Before I was pregnant I had lost 15 lbs between weight watchers and curves and it was too much effort- between the time at curves and the time at weight watchers it was like my whole life outside of work was concentrated on losing weight.

What I wanted was a diet that would help me lose the weight quickly, be short term in methodology, but would still give me the steps in the right direction to keep the weight off moving forward. For months I have been able to sustain the weight I am by eating healthier and some activities, but I can't lose it with the schedule of full time work, full time parenthood, and part time school- and hobbies like book club, volunteer activities, church, etc. I also needed a diet that wasn't going to allow me to cheat. I know I am addicted to sugar- baking, processed foods, grains, chocoalte, candy, etc. If its in the house or within eyesight IT IS MINE. I'm selfish. I love it. But its part of the reason I got here. I need a diet that isn't going to allow me that crap. zero. nadda. break the addiction. None of this "if you exercise more you can cheat". No I need to restart.

Lastly, I want to set a better example to my daughter. Poor Quinn doesn't stand much of a chance. My mother was 5'6", struggled with weight her whole life because she lacked will power and had similar sugar addiction type issues. And she loved food, much like me. My mother in law- 5'6" ish as well and the exact same battle for her. My sister in law- same thing. And both of those ladies have battled diets too. And the sustainability comes in eating better and getting at least some exercise. I know we hear that every day but until I find a way to get the weight off, I'm not motivated to start being more active!  If its true that her measurements at 18mnths-2years old dictate her future size, she is going to be exactly like the rest of us.So, in showing a better example to Quinn, my hope is that she won't face as tough a battle, if at all, when she's older.

Already her breakfast is cereal, bedtime snack oatmeal, she eats a lot of fresh veggies and fruits- but they're all the sugar ones- bell peppers, green beans, potatoes, carrots, apples, fruits, etc. While I will never ever ask Quinn to diet, if I lead by example and if we don't have it in the house, except on special treats, maybe we can avoid the extent of a weight battle that generations of her family have endured. It would be better for her health too if breakfast was protein and filling instead of sugar.

So I have started my diet and I start tomorrow... This journal is going to be one of the ways I hold myself accountable. My weekly meetings(flexible and include texting and email!), my family, and this will be ways to share my journey, encourage myself, and track progress. You're welcome to join along with me or never read another word. I'm OK either way- what I don't want is criticism. This is not an easy diet plan, let me get through it please. If you can't say something nice, please don't say anything at all.
Taren

This journal is just that, a journal. So it is a stream of consciousness. Not structured, edited, or anything that I would deem publishable- and yet I do.